I suppose it is time to write again. There have been a few misfortunes for him and I over the last 22 days. For I will not write about those, but rather how we have felt. I still have not finished writing about my memoir of Texas. Perhaps I will finish one day, but maybe I will not hit post because it was a special weekend for him and I. A weekend that will be our secret. That is precisely what I shall do. Our misfortunes have nothing to do with our LOVE. You see, sometimes our misfortunes are like the worm on the end of a fishing pole. We have been tossed to the left side of the boat. A few fish were daring enough to snap at us, but we got away. We were than catapulted to the right side. There had been more activity with the fish there. Finally, after hours of waiting and being tossed North, South, East and West, he got us. He was the biggest fish of the day. The fisher man was not ready for the bit, and the fish took off. He took us on a ferocious ride. A ride that caused much heartache and doubt. I hate that fish. But now, we are stronger than any fish in the seas. We have each other and our love is more colossal than that damn fish. I am luckier than you, because I have HIM.
Here's looking at you kid.

Another week has passed and I am grateful it has. My tribute to Lackland AFB is still not complete. For now, I will leave you these words. My days for full of loneliness and my dreams are mere glimpses into the future. Between the hours of 6 post meridian and 8 post meridian, I await his call. His calls change my mood drastically. I am spirited and hopeful. I fall asleep in hopes he is all I dream about. Everyday that passes is a day closer to seeing him. Only three weeks until I see my brave man, my better half, my soulmate. I love him. 
Here's looking at you kid.

I have never realized how deep my love for him was, until I spent the weekend of July 14, 2012 with him, honoring his bravery and dedication for me. He left everything he know and loved on May 15, 2012 to become one of the elite Airmen to serve this country. The details of that weekend are in the works. In fact, I've all ready begun typing the most unbelievable weekend I have ever lived. It may take days or weeks to complete. For now, I love him and miss everything about him. He is brave. 
Here's looking at you kid.

Out of the 1464 weeks I have been alive, I have never needed one to go by more quickly then this one. The last eight weeks I have been alive, have been brutal. My emotions have been tested; I have failed. Most days I feel like a zombie slowly moving through life trying to stay vertical. I am exhausted, he is exhausted. I need to see him. Now. As I have re-read this blog, one thing is for certain. Music moves me. It makes my insides smile. My heart is warm and my spirit is lifted when music, good music, is in my presence. So again, I will reflect on more lyrics. Perhaps I use lyrics to convey messages that I feel inadequate to write. Or maybe it is because my words are not as powerful. So, thank you Copeland for the following:

 I remember when I'd run to you

 field of white flowers

Your embrace is my air

How I needed you there

And all of the world and

All of it's powers

Couldn't keep your love from me no

Couldn't keep your love from me

Cause I need you

Like the dragonfly's wings need the wind

Like the orphan needs home once again

Like heaven needs more to come in

I need you here like you've always been

I truly need him. I have thought a lot about this upcoming year and the struggle it will be without him near. But, he gives me strength. He gives me breathe. Thinking about him brings peace to my soul. I love him more today then yesterday. Next week will be the greatest week I have ever lived. I will finally embrace him. I will finally gaze into his eyes. I will finally talk to him, face to face. He is my best friend.
Here's looking at you kid:

It's getting closer. My chain is dwindling down. Not fast enough.
I recall the first letter I received from him. It was in 2004;  I was 20. The first line read, "Hello my dancing princess". I was a dancer at Snow college, he was in Florida. We have been writing letters for 8 years. I have a backpack full of letters and pictures from him. He has away of writing. It is elegant and sophisticates. This post I will illustrate some of his writing.


October the ninth, two thousand four:
in the rain, sing a song, in your head.... so secret life, in your eyes, it's alright...... so be surprised, by the lullabies, that keep us in line, tonight.


Unfortunately, I do not have a date for the following:
A forest burning away thousands of innocent nights.
The fire has engulfed every memory that seemed so right.
I can't quite tell if its you or the smoke that has me in tears.
This disaster has claimed all naivete, 
and we knew this coming...
Hand in hand, lash to lash; so here we stand solemnly surviving.
The smoke is a swirling pillar, but it'll clear.
I'll be praying for snow to blanket the dreams, 
that are still breathing.
Tattered sighs soundtrack the smoldering sunset.
 This all goes back..... back to a starstruck gaze;
Designs in our minds where just a candy coated maze.
What's left to lose? I've done enough,
and if I fall, then I fall; but I gave it a shot.
We could run inside and leave it all behind.
Shadows would be the only company assigned.
We'll talk all night and each other everything. 
As our eyes start to close,
I turn to you and let you know.
BEAUTY:
Don't 
Be 
Afraid 
To 
Live


His writing is brilliant. I love him. And soon, I will tell him. Face to face, arm in arm. He is strong and handsome. I can not wait to reunite with him.
Heres looking at you kid:

When I think of how brave and courageous he is, there is a song that comes to mind. This song is from my favorite Disney movie. The lyrics are touching especially after he left. It is a song I will cherish forever. It will not sit in the corner of my heart, for it will fill my heart.  The lyrics remind me how lucky I am to have him. What he is doing is exceptionally hard. It is mentally straining and near physically unachievable.  In his flight unit of 130 guys, only 10-18 will make it to the end. He will be one of them.

Be a man
We must be swift as
the coursing river
Be a man
With all the force
of a great typhoon
Be a man
With all the strength
of a raging fire
Mysterious as the
dark side of the moon







I miss him. I'm jealous of him. He is trying new things, things that are hard. I, I am just here doing monotonous things. No new adventures of me. Not yet. He was in a gas chamber. He went to a shooting range. The ones you see in the movies were you shoot at a cardboard body. Soon, he will be jumping from airplanes and scuba-diving. He will get to travel the country. I will be paying bills. He is my HERO. Remember when you were little and would make a count-down chain made out of pieces of paper glued together? Well, I've done it again. There is no need to be young. It has 16 links. One comes of each day. 16 days until I see him. I am excited to run into his arms. He'll catch me and swing me around. Like a scene for a cheesy, cliche love movie. But this will be really life. Our real life. No cameras. No script. Just us and the world will vanish for a epigrammatic moment. 

Here's looking at you kid:

I have been battling, for a week, whether or not to post this. But, this is my blog, his blog, so I will hit the "Post" button, because I need to remember this. I need to remember how I felt while typing it. He may not want me to hit "Post", but, he is not here. 
Words from HIM:
Date: 24 May, 2012.
-     Brooke, I love you. I love your soul.
-     Brooke I'm excited to hold you, to hold your gaze and feel your hand in mine.
-     I pray for you daily with all of my soul. Please pray for us and your future. 
-     My dearest, you have me forever.
Date: 25 May, 2012.
-     I've thought a lot about indoc and what my plan is for when I hit bottom. What am I going to do when I'm broken down, delirious without sleep? what am i going to tell myself? I'm going to remind myself why I'm doing it. I'm doing it for you, for us, for our family in the future and I will not quit.
-     I know you are strong and I guess I just want to hear that you are doing well and are dealing with things the best you can. I'm confident that this is ultimately going to bring us closer together. Until we can sleep in the same bed, we must cherish the time we have together and rely on quality over quantity. 
Date: 26 May, 2012
-     Well, our instructor is a douche, but I am holding up. 
-     I miss you like crazy...
-     You are my best friend. You have my thoughts and prayers. 
Date: 28 May, 2012
-     B, This one will have to be quick. I just want to tell you I'm thinking about you. 
-     You inspire me to be a better person and push myself. 
-     I love you Brooke, smile for me.
(more words from HIM to come in the future)

I will end here. Only because my eyes have become hazy and my limbs are tired. He is my world and my soul. I will be indebted to him forever. I love him more now, in this very moment, then ever before. 
Here's looking at you kid.